Managing Divorce Anxiety When You Don't Know What Comes Next

Managing Divorce Anxiety When You Don’t Know What Comes Next

/by

The decision to end a marriage, or the realization that it is ending, often brings a wave of overwhelming uncertainty. The path forward feels obscured by a fog of questions about your finances, your home, and your children. This anxiety is a natural response to a major life transition where the future you had planned is suddenly gone. You are left staring at a blank page, and the fear of the unknown can be paralyzing.

Feeling lost is a common experience for those facing the dissolution of a marriage. The legal process can seem complex and intimidating, adding another layer of stress to an already emotional time. 

What Are the First Practical Steps to Take When Considering Divorce?

Before any legal papers are filed, taking a few organizational steps can help you feel more in control and prepared for the process. This is not about being adversarial; it is about being informed.

Gather Financial Documents: Start collecting important financial records. This creates a clear picture of your marital estate, which is a key part of the divorce process.

  • Tax returns (past 3-5 years)
  • Pay stubs for both spouses
  • Bank account statements
  • Mortgage and loan statements
  • Credit card bills
  • Retirement account statements (401(k)s, IRAs)
  • Investment and brokerage account statements
  • Life insurance policies
  • Vehicle titles and registration

Create a Household Budget: Make a detailed list of your current monthly income and expenses. Then, try to project what your budget will look like after the separation. This helps you understand your financial needs moving forward.

Open a Separate Bank Account: It is often wise to open a checking and savings account in your name only. This can be a first step toward financial independence.

Consult with an Attorney: Speaking with a family law attorney early in the process is not an act of aggression. It is an act of preparation. An initial consultation can provide a roadmap of what to expect, explain your rights and obligations under Kentucky law, and answer your most pressing questions.

How Does the Divorce Process Start in Kentucky?

In Kentucky, the formal legal process begins when one spouse, the “Petitioner,” files a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage with the Family Court in the county where one of you resides.

Kentucky is a “no-fault” divorce state. This means you do not have to prove that your spouse did something wrong, like adultery or abandonment, to get a divorce. The only legal requirement is to state that the marriage is “irretrievably broken,” meaning there is no reasonable prospect of reconciliation.

Once the petition is filed, it must be legally delivered, or “served,” to the other spouse, who is known as the “Respondent.” The Respondent then has a set period to file a formal response. This exchange of documents officially opens the case and sets the stage for addressing all the necessary issues.

What Does “Equitable Distribution” Mean for Our Property?

One of the biggest sources of anxiety in a divorce is the question of who gets what. Kentucky follows the principle of equitable distribution, which does not necessarily mean a 50/50 split. Instead, the court divides “marital property” in a way that is fair and just, though often it is equal.

First, it is important to distinguish between two types of property:

  • Marital Property: This includes almost all assets and debts acquired by either spouse from the date of marriage until the final divorce decree. It does not matter whose name is on the title or who earned the money. Common examples include the marital home, vehicles, bank accounts, retirement funds, and investments acquired during the marriage.
  • Separate Property: This is property that belongs to only one spouse and is not subject to division. It generally includes assets owned before the marriage, inheritances received by one spouse, and gifts given to one spouse by a third party.

The division of marital property requires a careful inventory and valuation of all assets. For complex assets like a family business or a pension plan, financial professionals may be needed to determine an accurate value.

How Is Child Custody Determined in Kentucky?

For parents, nothing is more important than the well-being of their children. Kentucky law makes this the top priority as well. All decisions about child custody are based on the “best interests of the child” standard. A judge will consider many factors to create a custody arrangement and parenting schedule that supports the child’s physical, mental, and emotional health.

These factors can include:

  • The wishes of the parents and, if the child is mature enough, the child’s wishes.
  • The child’s relationship with each parent, siblings, and other significant people.
  • The physical and mental health of everyone involved.
  • Each parent’s ability to provide a stable and loving environment.
  • The child’s adjustment to their home, school, and community.
  • Any history of domestic violence.

In Kentucky, there are two types of custody:

  • Joint Custody: This is the most common arrangement, where both parents share decision-making authority regarding major issues like education, healthcare, and religious upbringing.
  • Sole Custody: In this less common scenario, one parent is granted the authority to make these major decisions independently. This is typically only awarded if there are serious concerns about one parent’s fitness, such as substance abuse or domestic violence.

The parenting schedule, which outlines when the child lives with each parent, is a separate but related issue. The goal is to create a consistent routine that allows the child to maintain strong relationships with both parents.

Will I Receive or Have to Pay Spousal Support?

Spousal support, known as maintenance in Kentucky, is not awarded in every divorce. Its purpose is to help a lower-earning or non-earning spouse get back on their feet financially after the marriage ends. It is designed to be rehabilitative, providing support for a period that allows the recipient to gain the skills or education needed to become self-sufficient.

A court will look at several factors when deciding whether to award maintenance, including:

  • The financial resources of the spouse seeking maintenance.
  • The time and training needed for that spouse to find appropriate employment.
  • The standard of living established during the marriage.
  • The duration of the marriage.
  • The age and physical and emotional condition of the spouse seeking maintenance.
  • The ability of the other spouse to pay while meeting their own needs.

Maintenance can be paid in a lump sum or, more commonly, in periodic payments for a set amount of time.

Can We Settle Our Divorce Without Going to Court?

Absolutely. In fact, the vast majority of divorce cases in Kentucky are settled out of court. The idea of a courtroom battle is another major source of anxiety, but it is not the reality for most people. There are several ways to reach a resolution without a judge making the final decisions for you.

  • Uncontested Divorce: If you and your spouse agree on all issues—property division, child custody, support, and everything else—you can file for an uncontested divorce. This involves submitting a written settlement agreement to the court for approval. It is the fastest, least expensive, and least stressful way to end a marriage.
  • Mediation: This is a process where a neutral third party, the mediator, helps you and your spouse negotiate a settlement. The mediator does not make decisions but facilitates conversation and helps you find common ground. It is a confidential and collaborative process that keeps you in control of the outcome.
  • Collaborative Divorce: In this approach, both spouses and their attorneys sign an agreement to work together to resolve all issues without going to court. It is a team-based approach focused on open communication and creative problem-solving.

These alternative dispute resolution methods save time and money, and they often lead to more durable agreements because both parties have a direct hand in creating them.

What Practical Steps Can I Take to Manage My Anxiety?

While the legal process unfolds, it is vital to take care of your emotional and mental health. The stress of divorce can take a significant toll, but you can take proactive steps to manage it.

  • Build a Support System: Lean on trusted friends and family. Do not be afraid to tell them what you need, whether it is someone to listen, help with childcare, or just a distraction.
  • Seek Professional Help: A therapist or counselor can provide you with tools to process grief, manage stress, and develop coping mechanisms. This is a sign of strength, not weakness.
  • Focus on What You Can Control: You cannot control your spouse’s actions or the court’s timeline, but you can control your own responses, your preparation, and your self-care.
  • Maintain a Routine: Especially if you have children, sticking to a predictable daily routine can provide a sense of stability and normalcy in a time of upheaval.
  • Prioritize Your Health: Try to eat well, get regular exercise, and get enough sleep. Physical health has a direct impact on your ability to handle emotional stress.

Build a Secure Path to Your New Beginning

Navigating a divorce in Kentucky involves a series of steps that can feel overwhelming when faced alone. The anxiety of not knowing what comes next can make it difficult to make clear, rational decisions for your future. Having a knowledgeable legal guide by your side can transform that uncertainty into a clear, manageable plan. If you are facing the challenges of a divorce and need guidance on what to expect, the legal team at John H. Ruby & Associates is here to help. We are dedicated to providing the information and support you need to manage the process with confidence.

To discuss your situation and learn more about your options, schedule a consultation by calling us at 502-373-8044 or reaching out online.